Three and a half years ago I decided to change jobs. Planned on moving, getting closer to family, out of the “Zion Curtain” as they call it, and go to a more liberal, single friendly place. Well, ok,  liberal for Utah!

Plan A.  Transfer to a new, sparkly facility that is being staffed with two facilities to make one. Keep seniority, pay and go where everyone is the “new” person. Sell house, move closer to family, buy a smaller, less upkeep home. Sounds great, eh? In theory it does!

Actuality. Window of keeping seniority lost by one month as time to get pay status approved took extra long. My former boss was nice to me. Gave me raises when others didn’t get them. Put me in a management pay range that was difficult to change jobs and keep the pay scale. This was to help her as well as be nice to me. If I am unable to have anyone match salary, I will not leave! Good plan. Except the living in Zion part! Additionally, the housing market tanked, unable to sell home without losing many thousands of dollars on purchase price, not even counting the amount lost for improvements made equaling over 25 thousand. No problem, I can commute for a while until market improves. Market still has not improved, has actually worsened. Would take an even larger loss, not the amount I am willing to lose! Several months into the job, I was still commuting, still had not gotten the seniority thing worked out, seeing the lost cause in that area, and on top of it, I don’t really care for a lot of things about my job. I loved my old one, had a hard time leaving. Family was the only thing worth trading the job I loved and selling a house I really liked and had worked a long time to not only buy, but to fix up to my liking. It is still needing a few improvements in that area, as I stopped all improvements at that time. No sense throwing money away that I wouldn’t recoup. The larger blow was then thrown when the family that I was moving closer to be near, divorced. Now they moved, not only closer, but with me. Now I needed the bigger house. Still commuting an hour each way. Driving past my old job on the way. Working nights.

I shouldn’t complain about the nightshifts. I have a really cake schedule for my career. Healthcare is a 24/7 operation. Nights, week ends and holidays are part of the package. Twenty five years of them, not an odd thing for me. My old job I worked week ends. But I worked days. Six am to six thirty pm, three to four days a week.  Every other saturday and sunday were included. Pretty nice.

Now I work nights. Three nights a week, seven pm to seven thirty am.  I  do get most week ends off, I work Sunday nightshift every week. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights. The princess shift my coworkers call it. I call it doable. I still don’t care much for my job. A lot of factors are in this decision. I like a lot of things about it, a lot I don’t. It is an ok  job.Most would say it is a nice enough job, better than some. But, I am used to loving my job, so it makes the ok, it is fine part of it, not fine. I have been lucky, I usually love my job, I have always said my job is the best one I have ever had. No matter where I am working at the time. As once it is starting to not be the best one, I look and move. Loving where you spend that much time is essential to me.

So, the predicament I am now in is quite, I would say, unsatisfactory. Sometimes I think that the whole situation makes me not like the job more than I would have as I do like a lot of parts about it. I like some of the people I work with real well. Living across the street, literally, from my old job that I liked, driving an hour with the gas prices continuing to climb, working nightshifts, having a harder time staying awake and driving home more difficult each week, makes this thought a lot stronger in my head that I may not have given it a fair chance. Maybe. I have given it three and a half years. I dread going into work more each time. Week after week. I think I have given it a chance.

On the positive side. I have made many new friends. I have found a whole community of like-minded people who I would never have found if it weren’t for one chance encounter at this job. I have found in that community one love who I adore. Him alone is worth all of the negatives of the situation, and so many more.

Yes, for these reasons, changing jobs was definitely a good thing.

I decided recently I needed to start looking at changing jobs again. I have not ever truely liked this job, I do not like the night shifts. I want to be home in bed with Tutivillus at night, I want to have week ends off, I want a normal life. Well, somewhat, I don’t think I will ever be “normal”! I guess the better definition is a normal schedule.  I mentally pictured the perfect job, one I knew about, I had seen this at my previous job. I made a list of the criteria for a job that resembled the traits of what I would love to have, based on this model. I matched it with the known jobs in the corporation I work for. I have worked for them for eighteen years. I decided messing with my retirement, although in the distant future, would not be a good thing. I have interviewed for management jobs previously. They all require a cut in pay as I am above their starting point for new managers. I am stuck in a rock and a hard place to put it easily. I am expecting a cut in pay with this new job. Ok, I will save in gas money. Gas prices are $3.50 a gallon at present, and climbing. I drive 90 miles each day to work. If I start looking at the one across the street, I can walk to work again, save on gas. Yes, a wage cut would be ok. I can do it.  Plan in mind, now to sit by and abide my time until something close to the criteria match would open up. This company is not known for their “quick” hiring practices. Usually it is about two to three months for new hiring.  Four to six weeks for internal hiring. I start going online to search and keep my ears open, set up a weekly search time. Bide my time.

That was last week.

The search criteria on day two found a very interesting job.  This job was in a management area, the job I had based my criteria upon. In the unit I had previously worked. Working with my old boss. I applied. Two days later they called. Interview the next day. Job offer the following day. I start in two weeks. No cut in pay. When does that happen.Especially in this corporation.

In one weeks time, I have went from deciding I need to change jobs, to having the job I wanted.

To put it in a sappy, cheesy way, I am going home now.

It snowed today. I want Spring. I want to take spring pictures, with bruises, cuts and blood. A “crime scene” picture.  I have wanted to do a crime scene photo shoot for a very long time. It is getting close, oh so close. I bought a make up book today, on special effects, to make someone look like a corpse. Figured the bruises and blood would be real, but I really want to just get up and walk away after! Trying to decide a setting, a canyon, trees dirt, leaves, maybe some remnants of snow. Or maybe a cheap hotel room. Not sure, the side of a freeway? Maybe a parking lot with a dumpster for effect. Hmm, will have to think about this for a while.

Now to work on the rest of what I have been procrastinating!

I went shopping today. I am not a shopper, don’t get me wrong, I do it. I love new things! I just wish they could magically show up…. Oh yes, Amazon! But, I do need to see clothes, shoes etc. and try on and such so I brave the big crowds and mall rats.

Today I needed some make-up, a book and some shoes for work. I estimated two hours due to the proximity of the stores, 15 minutes in each store and a stop for coffee. Six hours later I have two pairs of shoes- yes, one of them were the work shoes I went for! The other, well, a sale just can’t be ignored! $90.00 shoes for 17.99. I needed another pair I think!

The book, well, amazon has it. And for a lot cheaper I am sure. Barnes and Noble nor Borders has it in stock. Go figure, not even a new release. A how to, for theatre make-up. I have been wanting to figure out makeup tricks for pictures and such. I have only been able to figure out “everyday wear” make up. Pretty boring make up at that.

I was standing in line to pay for my shoes. I was behind a lady dressed pretty average, khaki pants, sandals, dress shirt. Holding a bag with purchases from Macy’s, and Victoria’s Secret. Her turn at the register comes up, she doesn’t hand anything over to the cashier, merely speaks “I don’t see any crocs, do you not carry them here?”  WTF, is she planning on wearing the Vickie’s panties, Macy’s scarf and crocs?  I need video of that one! Crocs as a fetish? Please, shoot me now!

Now, off to play with my own fetish….. the cold, hard metal of my chains. My friends.

Wine night has evolved into a weekly event. Friends, dinner, wine, and lots of conversation. Nice break from a long, stressful work week.

Juju and another friend, I will call her GA, came over last night and we had pizza and wine. And laughter. I needed laughter, it was in great supply! Reminiscing about the last wine night with all of us, as well as the first, in Denver at Thunder. Many good times recalled, many planned.

Tutivillus showed pictures of his trip to Japan, very sad for the earthquakes. Such beautiful pictures, much different from the ones on the news this morning. Now the Tsunamis.

Tsunamis are aftermaths. Sometimes causing more damage than the initial insult. Life is similar to the weather. Some days/events are sunny, some are stormy, always full of change. Change in the temperatures, change in the pressures felt, changes that feel like earthquakes, tornado’s, hurricanes and tsunamis. Not all major changes are bad, not all of lifes tsunamis cause damage. But all have aftermaths. My lifes aftermaths? No, I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, except for this wine headache!

Some people learn and remember by visual, some are more attuned to the auditory.  I must be auditory. Visual images are very nice, I like them. I enjoy looking at art, the scenery, people, animals, many things. I enjoy the beauty in the world. Especially in nature. Remembering the pictures, scenes, faces are just basic, general images. I am unable to recall the many facets of each visual image. Sounds, the remembering of sounds is very different. I may not be able to identify each sound, but I have a very strong reaction to them. I will become irritated very easily at different sounds. Music and noise that is unpleasant to me will put me in an agitated mind frame. On the same note, a pleasant sound will calm and put me in a good place.

I rarely go to a particular store because of the music played. I have walked out of Best Buy several times because of staff playing the stereos very loudly as a radio, and not just trying certain stereos, speakers etc. for short periods. The long periods are the agitating ones, short episodes are just a fact of life. The truly annoying and affecting irritants are ones that continue for longer periods. The repetition. The music in the store I mentioned is a repeat of the same one minute or so of a song, just played over and over. Crying babies ,if the parents are just ignoring them letting them cry it out. I am fine with this method of not letting children have their way and to not give the attention for bad behavior, just not when it is ruining other customers experience. Even songs on the radio that have a line or two that just repeats over and over will annoy me.

Anyone who has been to a restaurant with me where there is crying babies, loud obnoxious people talking about  stupid shit,  that won’t shut up have witnessed this.

Certain sounds have different reactions. Some good, some bad. Pavlovian reactions. I had a song as a ringtone. A song I liked, the person liked and wanted this particular song. Ringtone picked.  Many many months later, this song was changed.  As many things in life had happened. The song was not a good memory of this person. Too many late night calls with problems, the initial call with the accident, the emergency personnel using the phone with her to call family,  Many incidents of heartbreak. The healing and recovery of many serious injuries was occurring. Time for a new song association. Years later, life back to whatever is considered normal, this song is still a knee jerk instant return to those darkest days. Even with her nearby, visualizing the recovering, strong woman in front of me, this song will cause instant return to the sad, uncertainty and heartbreak of the fallout.

I don’t listen to this song anymore. I prefer songs that will put me in a good place.

And then there are voices. I am attracted more to a person by their voice than their looks. A whisper, a touch… yes.