Friday nights. Friday nights used to include play, pictures and some alone time with just me and Tutivillus. Then life kind of happened. One friday was one event, another something else. Pretty soon, a month had gone by. Tonight I wanted to play, take pictures, spend alone time. Get used to that favorite night activity again.
Dinner, some playful bantering and talking about what play we wanted. A little throwing ideas around and we decided to practice a few make up techniques to recreate a crime scene. The crime scene pictures I have wanted to do for a long time. Even before I knew I was a little bit kinky.
I used to read novels. Any murder mystery that had very descriptive scenes in them. All of John Sandford’s novels and most of Patricia Cornwells early novels were my favorite. There were many others, but usually they were one or two by an author, not a series so I cannot remember names. Interesting that I haven’t read any of these type of novels since I found kink. And decided to do a series of crime scene photos. I may need to and try to recreate a few of my favorite John Sandford ones. He has one I can remember a lot of the many details, many many years after reading. That will be one I have to recreate!
No, I have no desire to recreate them by hurting anyone. Just make the pictures to show my vision of the scenes.I never did much like true crime books. Kind of weird I always thought. I don’t think that anymore. I just don’t like the non consensual part of the true crime books.
Here are a few pictures taken impromptu after trying some make-up techniques. Both the make up and the pictures were a lot of fun to do!
A night at the morgue......
This slab is really cold
Juju and I went shopping, had dinner and then attended a community event and party last night. I miss dinner and shopping with Juju. We had fun. We are similar shoppers. Quick, decisive get the hell out! I needed clothes. I love getting new clothes, I hate shopping for them! At least that is done for a while. Dinner was more fun than shopping. Chatting, having a few drinks, catching up. Planning for when she moves. I am not real happy about that, but I understand the needing to like your job part.
The community event was fun, we sat at our own table so we could still talk, chat, comment on the proceedings. The after party was very melancholy for me. I didn’t want to sit in the chat room as it was too smoky. No, I haven’t gotten “ooh smoke, I can’t be around it” since I quit last year, It was just a big cloud of smoke in a small, closed room. A little overwhelming. I went in for short periods only. I still enjoy the chat smoking area, just like them either ventilated or outside. No, I was really just missing Tutivillus. I am a big girl, I can attend things alone, I have for years. I just really prefer him with me. Juju did help a lot though! She presented me with a gift. A young boy. He wanted two Dommes to top him. Carte blanche. Hee hee! He doesn’t realize who I have been hanging out with lately and have had a few things rub off on me! Yes, that was very fun and entertaining! Neither one of us had brought any implements with us. We didn’t even know if we were going to the party for sure. We asked a few people what they had that they would loan us. Two daggers, a very sharp knife and a wooden beating stick/insertable and a supermarket rubber separator. Interesting! This said young boy now has jujubees and jouvarti written in his back, a purple ass and lines of scratches up both legs, arms back and front. He was kind of gooey and smiley when we left. I think he was happy. Something about a new fetish… when cougars attack! Yes, I approve! and I need a dagger! Large one. And a beating stick. Thanks Ranger Team 6 and Amiboi for the implements.!
Friday is here. I am happy on one end, sad on another. The week-end is here! Two days off, I get to see Jujubees and have some wine, catch up on everything, a good time is sure to ensue. I am looking forward to that! But yet, sad on the part of Tutivillus going to the Foreign lands for work. He will be back next week. I know it will be ok, I am fine with him going. I will just miss him. Ironic that I am just getting to where I can spend all my nights with him and he leaves. That is life. So, I must not dwell on that, I am going to look forward to spending time with a good friend!
(But, hurry back safely Tutivillus!)
So, on to the week-end!
I think I am becoming addicted to body punching. Tutivillus thinks it is because of the “trips”. I think he is correct. The last four or five times I have done body punching I have been so far in subspace I can describe places I have been. It is very different, almost like a dream except I am being beat and am screaming for some of it. This time I went into a cave. I took the train. The whole experience was very different from most. Usually I have one experience. I feel a place and am there. I am experiencing that place. A plantation, slave girl. Experiencing being whipped and hearing others being beaten. Obedience. That is the feeling I get. The whippings are for learning obedience. A young girl, crying, hiding at the foot of the bed. Wearing blue. A light blue jumper with white trim. This feels like abuse. Anger. Life sucks and you are the cause of it kind of anger and abuse. I look back at these and think I should feel anger. Both of those are situations where it is a negative thing. Hatred at the perpetrator should occur. No, this doesn’t even cross my mind. Yes, I am angry at the time. I kick and swear and shove at the perpetrator of the beatings, Tutivillus. But the times he comes to me, in the middle of the beatings, he touches and holds me, I am me. Not the recipient of these images I am feeling. I awaken from the space and see him. Not the perpetrator of vile acts. I am very grateful for this as I would hate to have negative feelings for someone who is taking me places of immense interest to me. I am very aware of the difference of the perpetrator of these things I am seeing, and the here and now. I am very curious. I want to know where these images and places will take me. What meaning, if any they hold.
This time, I was in an open field, the train was there. Noisy, vibrations. Unsure if I am on the train or moving alongside it. Then I am aware of my current surroundings. I am upset, I want to continue on the train. The rhythmic beating resumes. I am now in a cave. It is dark. I am not sure what is going on, not sure of the energy. I don’t think I should be scared. Then, my mind jumps to sarcasm…. yes, my personality jumps in… I start to giggle, uncontrollably. I am expecting company to come strolling up any moment. Batman, in his underwear. Yes, looking back, it is my subconscious trying to diffuse the scared factor so I won’t quit. But damn, I can only take so much beating! I need to see what is in this cave! Next time. Yes, next time I will go farther. No jokes from subconscious needed. I will find what is in the cave!
Bruises on the ass
Recently a picture I have on fetlife has sparked a conversation on the website. It has been entertaining to say the least! Tutivillus mentioned it in his sadists podcast as the picture brought up frequently the inability of some to have bruises. Or so they say. This picture was after one night I casually mentioned my lack of bruising. Now I never said I didn’t bruise, just that I was not a heavy bruiser, only light bruises with more deep tissue “hurt” without the visible aspect. I was shortly shown the errors of my thinking! Yes, that was a really nice time! Tutivillus definitely can cause a nice bruise or two! An error in my thinking of my bruising non skill was in part to a previous scene at Thunder in the Mountains last year. I was kicked. Boots, kicking my ass with a foot, leg and whole body attached. Kicked until the bench I was leaning over was moved a foot or so with each kick. The bruises show a little. In my foggy subby mind, the kicking was more brutal, yet in pictures, no comparison.
Kicking and singletail at Thunder 2010
Maybe that means, yes, I think…. more testing is in order! But for now….. I will try to put some fabulous bruises on a poor little furry…..
I have been trying to write about life, am having a hard time going back and writing about past things. The new things are hard too. Not for the same reasons. The new is, well, great for me, boring to most. I am in a very good place. I am happy and in a relationship I love. Boring for others to read, goes to the sappy side! The old, well, it is a good thing to have the old and acknowledge where I got to here from, but damn, I didn’t realize how hard that it would be to look at and scrutinize! I have been answering questions for a survey. Tough, raw and exposed type of questions. Wow, to think of how my life, thoughts views and desires have evolved through the years!
Onward. On all fronts!
Pictures of me and my favorite fetish…..
Three more shifts until I do not have to work nightshift anymore. I am really having a hard time driving home now that I know only a few more are left. The last few nights at work have been very adrenalin packed nights, busy, crazy and wild. I was tired. Back in time I would relish those type of nights. They were why I did what I did. I wondered if after I took a different job, gave notice and was on my way out I would have a night like that and regret my decision. No, I don’t. I was tired and did not enjoy myself. No, I do not regret my leaving. Only wish it was already past the three more shifts.
Last night was wine night. Not a good idea on workdays. Mental note for the planning of such nights. I do like wine nights, not so much for the wine as for the conversations and company. Juju, Tutivillus and I drank some, read tarot cards, ate and solved the worlds problems. Now to take over the world. Maybe after the headache lessens and my body has recovered from the everlasting tiredness from 3 1/2 years of nightshifts and 25 years of hard on the body lifting, pulling and twisting my body in ways that are damaging over time.
I am in a melancholy mood I think. On hold. The change of routines. I like routines. I have a weekly schedule, it has worked well for years. The past six months the schedule and routine has changed, altered and has been looking for the path of least resistance. The combining two separate routines and lifestyles together were starting to come together in a known schedule. Now with this change in jobs, the routine will change yet again. The past week and the upcoming one is a holding pattern. The old ways are trying to hold onto its place in life and the anticipated new normal wants to jump in.I am inpatient. I want the new to hurry and just jump, dammit!
But, note to the new. No more wine nights mid week!