I decided I wanted to do a scene that incorporates several things into it. I wanted a flogging by several people at once and I wanted to be suspended while they did this. The multiple floggings is a carwash. I have never been suspended. I like chains. Rope is conducive to suspension. Rope doesn’t give me a smile and make the clinking noise and have the cold hard steel feel that warms to the touch and has a metallic smell that is faint, but present no matter what you do to it. Rope is a lot of peoples fetish. I love the way it looks on someone when they are tied up, suspended and in decorative ties. It is pretty. I am very impatient. Rope takes time, knowledge and a lot of talent. I am unsure of the talent part as I have so little of the patience that I have never attempted to learn rope. Knowledge is something I don’t have a lot of in the rope area, but it is very available if I was interested. So, the impatience part really is my strongest barrier. I decided I wanted the suspension. I would be patient. I was for about 90% of the time. Tutuvullus was the one who prepared and asked people for help with the scene. He was able to have Mindnbody do the suspension part and also participate in the carwash. And Novicecub was kind enough to step in when Gameruk was called in to work and couldn’t make it for the third in the carwash. I was very nervous about this scene. I haven’t been this nervous in a while for a scene. So many different aspects. Never have done a suspension, never have had more than one flogging me at a time and I haven never played with any of the participants except Tutivillus. Mindnbody, and Novicecub are both hard players. Could I really handle all three at once? And then there is the suspension. I was suspended for a few minutes with chain by Tutivillus. It was very different. More like being restrained and then put on a swing. The tightness of the rope is not able to be duplicated with chain. The feeling and way it is done is very different. I start the scene out with getting undressed. The party has so many people there this time. Standing room only in some areas, people sitting on the floor. Many people are very new to the scene. Their first party. A few old that have been around a block a time or two is in the chairs right in front of the area we are starting to get set up at.. One person starts to crack a whip right next to me. He jokes about maybe he should hit me a few times while I am waiting to be tied up. It might loosen me up and make me a little more comfortable. I laugh, but really, it might be true! The rope starts. It is not cold like chain. I like that but it doesn’t do anything for me. At least at first. I am pulled up after several adjustments. (I am not a very good submissive, I want comfort and stuff…dammit!) No, I am a masochist. A sadist. And occasionally I can be a Domme . But I am a picky masochist. I want the types of pain that I like, not whatever anyone else wants. So, rearrange to get the pinching areas tweaked. I am suspended up. I then have earplugs placed and a blindfold put on me. I relax and am just there. Floating in my own little world. Almost sitting, but leaning forward. No pinching, no pulling no noticeable anything. I start thinking about popcorn. It is popping so light and fluffy and white. Flowing down the side of the yellow tub. Red letters on the side of the tub and the white popcorn is so big and fluffy. All the kernels are popping. None of the kernels laying in the bottom of the tub. It smells like fresh popped at the movie theater. Ouch, I can’t remember what I say, but something about hitting my butt without a warm-up is not a very nice and proper thing to do. Probably not worded that way but…. who can remember specific words! I realize the flogging to my back is what feels like popcorn popping would feel like. A little burn now. Fireworks. I see the fourth of July celebratory red, white and blue sparkles of light flash across the sky. Cascading down with trails of glowing embers fading away into nothingness just as new ones glow ablaze in glorious flight. The floggings to my back are continuing but now are peppered with thump thump thuds of sticks. One of them has a stick. My stick probably. My glorious sticks that I love to hit people with. I also love the feel of the wood hitting my skin. Thump thump thud thwack. A beautiful feeling sound. I hear bickering. A few words here and there. It sounds distant. The earplugs take away a lot of the noise but not the talking near me. I can’t make out sentences, only a word here and there. The grumpy old men movie comes to mind. I can’t remember the title. I let them know how old menish they sound. In a nice pleasant pleasing way I am sure. Surely I would not have been sarcastic at this time. In their mercy. No, not me. Gunfire. I am hearing gunfire all around me. Hiding in a bunker I realize it is the sound of a battlefield. The rifles ring out. Shots are regular but not in a rhythm. Very thuddy. Sticks. I feel sticks. The gunfire is getting farther away. Now, I think of pie. Sitting on a red and white gingham tablecloth. I am unsure as to the nature of this battlefield. No anger, no angst. Just shots, rifles and then at the ease, thoughts of pie. Not until a few days later did I think about this and wonder. Was this a battlefield or was it a recreation of a famous battlefield. There was not any emotion to it. So, at the time it didn’t feel the same as other times I had felt I was somewhere else. Voices. I am hearing voices. It takes a second to realize they are talking to me. Asking me if the ties are ok, are my feet, legs, arms doing ok with the ropes. I can tell my leg is numb. My thigh is throbbing. I say something about being ok. Just that my foot is numb. I am fine. Just a little nauseous. I am not done with the hitting. They decide it is over. The ropes are beginning to be undone. The nausea comes on stronger. I was not done with the hitting I keep saying. Just untie me and we can finish. My leg starts to hurt, it has been asleep. I can move it but it is throbbing. I begin to get impatient. I just want to lay down, sit down something- the waves of nausea are not liking standing up anymore. Finally the ropes are off. I sit down. I feel alone. I look up, Tutivillus is talking to someone. Getting water. Everyone is blurred. I can tell I am on the floor and many people are still around. I just want to lay down. I just want to be touched. Water is here. It tastes good. The nausea stays. Mindnbody tells me it is from the decreased circulation in the leg. I should have told them sooner. I just didn’t realize it until they asked. It wasn’t causing any damage. I just wasn’t used to it. It will go away. We leave and go home. I am still nauseated and my leg is painful. On the way home we talk about ways to do it again but not having the nausea. One is to do more suspensions so I am used to it and my body won’t try to revolt. The blindfolds and earplugs with the suspension was very disjointing for my brain to figure out. Next time I won’t do the nausea! I will have that part figured out or else adjusted to.
This was a very fun scene. Different in that in a usual flogging there are swing breaks and “are you ok” breaks. In this, with three of them, there were no breaks. Someone or two were always impacting me. I do like that part of it very well! I do want to try this again. But it will be after I am accostomed to being suspended. The suspension was very good too. I was surprised at the amount of relaxation it entailed and how I was able to just let go. I didn’t even notice when they started hitting me with the floggers.
Thanks to all three who participated!
Last night we went to a party. I haven’t played in a while. Too long. I was very nervous. I like to play and I like to play hard, but I was not sure if I would be able to hang. Literally! I have never done a suspension. I am not sure why I need to “prove” myself to myself any more. I had a very good time, I have some bruises- I had a reaction I never had before. But all in all it was a very good time. On the way home I had a discussion with Tutivillus about why I still need to prove myself and worry about being wimpy after all these years. It was something I need to try to remember and just not only enjoy myself but enjoy the after without worrying if I could have done more. When I first came into my local community I met a lot of very nice, good people. But they are human, like the rest of us. I was older than the regular first time around people coming in to the community. Finding yourself later in life is common for a large majority of people. Living double lives is how I have heard some describe the feeling they have when they finally break free of the “social norm” of their life that they have lived most of their lives. They reinvent their lives, get in touch of the repressed part of themselves and go with it. They are liberated and love themselves. I understand and see this losing the social norm and finding happiness. For me, I didn’t have a total life break free event. I have lived a life that bordered on a social norm yet different enough that others just knew I was a little different and quite quirky. I was ok with coworkers, family and strangers not knowing my thoughts, desires and wants. They did not warrant the information, nor need to know. I was able to make comments, tell stories and make jokes that many kinky people would not feel comfortable saying at work or at family reunions. It was so a part of my conversations, it was always just laughed off. I have not had many relationships- that was where I was not ok with pretending to be something I wasn’t. It was better to be alone than not be me. Finding the kink community was not a life altering great big change in my whole lifestyle. It was finally finding the answers to many of my desires and longings. Answering questions I had as to why I would do this or that. It fit nicely with my life already formed. I did not have to change friends or have people around me wonder if I had gone off my rocker. My family and friends only noticed I had a more active social life and was happier. I came into the community a little shy. I had life experiences that shaped me how I am. I did not jump in and then look back and say oops I should have done this differently. I looked cautiously and went slowly. I went to parties and slowly started playing. I mostly played privately. I heard comments, I heard gossip. Not real bad things. Actually, some of them should have been flattering. The context and the way they were said were the issue for me. Comments around my weight. Me not playing in public. The way I dressed. I think the term “Just for looks Barbie doll” was the one that set me off. Not anger, just set off a doubt that I was taken seriously. Just made me react by becoming more shy about expressing what I wanted to do, cautious with who I played and what I did in public parties. I did not want to do anything I had never done as I didn’t want to prove the people making comments right as to what I could do and what I was in this community for. Funny, as I have never cared in my personal or work life what anybody thought of me or what I did. That I have to admit is something that I don’t like about me from coming into this community. I worry what others think of me and the way I play. It is leaking into every aspect of my life. I don’t like that. That needs to change. So, in taking back my worry- I am through worrying about what others think I can do in my play. I am done worrying about how I look, act and feel about things. I am me, and I feel, look, act and am the way I am. If you don’t like it. There is the door. This is something I have had my whole life. Finding happiness in some areas doesn’t change my happiness in other areas. So, now, I am striving to be more content with who I am and just totally enjoy the moments. And play more!
This week end Jujubees came up, we spent some time relaxing, chilling, and making plans. We were invited to participate in a Dungeonplace podcast. The podcasts were stopped a year ago. Some chats the past few weeks and the podcasts were resurrected. Getting together with some returning and some new people was a lot of fun. I had only done a few of them when they were stopped. Juju had done a few more than me. They were fun but Tutivillus was at a needing a break point so, as life is ever changing they were put on hold. Now, it lives again! Fun times, fun conversations and creative juices for scenes are popping up! I am in the process of setting up a few scenes for a party next week and may even do a scene where I am at the mercy of more than one or two people. I have never been a bottom with Juju in a top position- she just might get to join in on this one! I will tell all about it next Sunday!
The podcast is here:
DungeonPlace Podcast EP:50 – Why Are We Doing This Again?
I have written a few times of me being absent, not being around. It is hard to write about kink when you are not doing any of it! It also makes it noticeably more missed. I have been a little stir crazy lately. Not enough kink. Life just keeps happening. Talk of soon, soon, yes soon. I am not a patient person! Dammit! We have been talking a bit lately with a few of the people Tutivillus did the podcasts for Dungeonplace with. Talking of doing some more, and getting back into a good mix of the kink community events. The past three or four parties and events we were planning on attending have been cancelled at the last minute. One as we were getting ready to leave. Frustrating when you are missing that part of life. Necessary as life and health does come first. Recently a few talks on the fetlife groups prompted a topic of very basic proportions. This was the catalyst to get a date and a plan going. Fitting that on Friday the 13th- a new Dungeonplace podcast was recorded! A few party scenes were also discussed for an upcoming party, and yes, barring any new undergoing the knife requirements- the kink is back in my life! In talking about what we should do in one scene, what someone wanted someone else to do to them in another scene, I realized something. I have not been a bottom in over six months. I have been a top in a few here and there, but I haven’t been a bottom. Time to decide what I want to have done to me. Pondering. I have a few ideas…. now onto deciding what one is the winner! Wonder which one will win! I have an idea which will be first choice……
I have been very absent from most online places and this blog. And especially in any community activities. Easily attributed to the absence of any activities lately outside of work, home and back again. I have planned on attending several events the past few months, only to have some sort of medical something or other come up- the plans are changed at the last minute. It is hard to attend and enjoy any outside activities when you or your partner are sick and or broken. The last party, New Years Eve, no surgery, no emergencys. Just the common cold/flu crud. Yep, just when it seems safe to venture out again! Well, such as life! I am still glad for the flu/cold crud stuff over a lot of things that could happen, but I think it is time to come out and play! So, soon- I will be playing again soon! And I am very much looking forward to it! This week end, I will be spending quietly- catching up with Juju and relaxing. The crud is starting to wane- time to get in motion again!