Last night was a very fun and entertaining night. I wanted a light get together with Juju, Amiboi and Tutivillus. We decided to have just a quiet evening of banter, Reiki and see where it went. I have done Reiki for about 18 years. I have had a level one Reiki with no interest to do any more. I had done self Reiki, and some close family, pets and friends. I stopped doing it altogether several years ago. Lately, with the journeys and pathworking I have had a desire to start up again, as well as get a level II. Amiboi is a level III Master. She agreed to do a Reiki session and give me a level II attunement. The session was very relaxing. I was a little floaty and just felt calm. It was nice. The attunement went well. I could feel my hands get very very warm. I saw a mist roll by. Away from her hands behind me down my shoulder and off to the right. The symbols are in a notebook. I am excited to start using them.
After a few snacks, some drinks and banter we went upstairs to the designated dungeon and did a cathartic flogging scene. Juju flogged Amiboi while Tutivillus beat the hand drum, and I beat some sticks together. They are meditation sticks Juju had. It was a very intense scene. Afterwards we talked about the scene, Amiboi told us of her take on the scene and the catharsis aspect. A very good energy between us all.
Next, I wanted to try some pathworking with the drums. Amiboi and Juju beat the drums and bongos. The rhythmic drum beating was the goal. Tutivillus started with flogging me and then the bodypunching.
I was wanting to go find something very profound. Experience very detailed knowledge. I guess I was not wanting to be patient in the quest for what I am looking for in the cave and places I have gone. I went places. Short snippets of two places and one longer agonizing place. I wanted away from there. The first was very very cold. A jungle. I thought jungles were warm and tropical. This was cold, it was daylight but in the brush was dark. Many leaves were yellowed, mostly green but yellow edges. The beginning of sickness, death and dying. Not many bugs and animals. I recall wondering where all of the wildlife was. Why were there not spiders, bugs and insects. Death, sickness and dying was the feeling. And male energy. I believe I was male at this place.
The second snippet was a mineshaft. Dark, dank and musty smelling. It is rumbling. Caving in. I remember thinking; this is expected, I will die here. But why does it have to happen now, I am not ready. Sadness and great loss. Men around crying and yelling. Me, I am sad. Great sadness, not for the death that is coming, but for the loss of what will never be. I have never had anyone who will miss me when this cave in is over.
The third snippet. The longer one. The one I try to escape, barter to leave from. I think I ended the scene to get away from this place, not due to the pain itself of the beating. I feel male energy.I am sitting at a kitchen table. 1940-1950′s table. Formica with metal trim around it, metal legs and chairs. Family is watching, scared and sad. Not knowing what to say so they cower in the corner. The breadwinner. I can’t breathe. I am coughing, sputtering fighting to breathe. I can’t cry, I can’t show sadness, anger and worry. I am sad and angry. Very angry. What will happen to the children when I die. Cancer, lung cancer. That is the feeling. I can feel a large mass in my chest, pushing the air, not allowing me to breathe. I want to fight, knowing it is futile. Great worry about the children. I did not like this anguish of worry about the children. I end the scene due to anguish.
I really do not feel the punching throughout this scene. That part is very new for me. Usually, I do not want to leave but cannot take the pain anymore. This time the pain was not even noticeable. (Well, today it is VERY noticeable!) But I wanted to leave the place I was at. I tried many times to go somewhere else. I couldn’t.
After this scene I cried. I couldn’t cry during the scene. I did not like this anguish. I think that must be how it feels to leave children behind. Very very strong emotions for me.
After putting myself back together, I joined the others. We took some pictures. I took new “family” pictures. I like them!